42. Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. A bear walks into a restaurant. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? In his sleevies. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror? We all want to have one of those cool moments where you say something really funny or clever in response to the very rude question did I ask you?. Why was the nurse asking for a red pen? Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. Explanation: Say it to the opening of Beethovens Fifth Symphony, and youll get the joke. What did the grape do when it was sat on? 2022 Galvanized Media. (stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). Neeeooooooow! This is another funny response that will leave the question asker feeling confused and dumbfounded while also returning to them the disrespect that they have shown you. They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. Why are teddy bears never hungry? This response is funny because it means nothing but will likely leave the question asker dumbfounded and therefore making them look dumb to everyone else. What did the penis say to the vagina? What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? Because theyre really good at it. Love means nothing to them. Why did God give men penises? He was deadlifting. The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards. 12. I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. Whats warm, wet, and pink? Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. Whos there? Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone asks did I ask you, you decide to give them a funny response. The man. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Following that logic, this rhetorical joke doesnt have an answer either. Well, they're not laughing now! Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? A cocker-poodle boo. By following these tips, youll be able to handle the who asked question like a pro and keep the conversation going despite it. Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up If youre not in prison. The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. Well, I'm not going to spread it. Whats the difference between a woman and a computer? What do you call a group of rabbits backing up? Your opinion is very important to me. Earbuds. Everyone loves a good crowd-pleaserthat's why we call them that! This response works because it responds to the rude question with a level of innocence that fully brings attention to how rude the question asker was being towards you. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Youre getting mayo all over my bed!, Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. He wanted to get a long little doggie. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. How do you open a banana? Fuck you said who? The brunette smells it and says it smells like cum. Explanation: "Drei"pronounced "dry"is German for "three . By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Explanation: Time is relative, especially to the entity that invented it. Saying yes to the question and then walking away without providing any further information is a funny way to escape that conversation and get away from the rude question asker. But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. Oh never mind, Im still working on that one. The infantry. I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. A chipmunk. To. 15. Dont forget to bookmark these hilarious what do you call jokes for future laughs! Whether you're looking for popular kid jokes, animal jokes or, yes, even the dad jokes, we've got them on this list of kid-tested/parent-approved jokes for kids. Because they're really good at it. Example of When did I ask? Catch up! 20 History Jokes We Dare You Not to Laugh At. I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. When he thinks he's "him" but he's really just another "he" som original - . There's a new alarming warning about this popular dog food brand. Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. Now do you get it? Mississippi. When When When When When When When. Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns around and says, Dont worry. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next! 38. "Whaddya mean?" I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. A fun answer is to answer a completely different question to confuse the other person. Why don't math majors throw house parties? A cheese factory exploded in France. Where you put the cucumber. Why is England the wettest country? You boil the hell out of it. Country Living editors select each product featured. If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard. Finding out it was traced. What did 345. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The bartender says, "Why the long face?". Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me. How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. Ivana. A slipper. Whats the best part about gardening? I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!. What did prehistoric animals get instead of blisters? The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. But hay, its in my jeans. What did the card say when he didn't end up getting through the job interview? short for? 1. and our What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? "What's the good news?". It needed help figuring out its problems. No? Beano Jokes Team. 33. Lick-a-lotta-puss. Get out of here! shouts the bartender. Whats a adult actress favorite drink? You might enjoy: 24+ Clean Comebacks for Get a Life. In fact, it could make things worse by escalating the situation and giving the troll more attention. I dont know how to do it. A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. You spread its little legs. Why did the cow jump over the moon? Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. Dont worry, said the doc. He didn't have the guts to ask anyone. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken. When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? 2. Bernadette. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. You could read it as seriously or as a joke didnt walk into the bar. If this made you roll your eyes, just wait until you read some of these dad jokes. How do celebrities stay cool? Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. Smirking, the first friend replied, "Oh, c'mon I'm just tittin'.". Robin who? What's Forrest Gump's email password? Close the door, I'm dressing. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? The Satisfactory. Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Sticker By plydia From $2.02 Seven Days without a pun makes one weak white T-Shirt Sticker By Newline store From $3.36 Forget About Princess I Want To Be A Zebra Sticker As soon as you open it, you realize its half empty. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. What did one hat say to the other? 2. Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. When did I ask. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. Person 1: Knock-knock. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. So read on for some of the funniest two-line jokes and quick quips around, and don't forget to pass them on to your equally immature friends. It needed help figuring out its problems. Some annoying people ask, Who asked? after you tell a story. 27. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. Shhhh, the adults are talking, so please keep quiet. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? What did the leper say to the prostitute? What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Its a way of shutting down a conversation, of refusing to engage with new ideas. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? dang i didnt know that ur so dumb u dont know the difference between answering and telling. Cereal. The bartender asks, "Dry?". A comeback said by mostly middle school boys when they know they have lost an argument but want the last laugh. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. It was two tired. Beef strokin off. My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . What do a guy and a car have in common? Hey, havent we metaphor? Discover short videos related to did i ask jokes on TikTok. Call and tell her about it. Where do young trees go to learn? I'll meet you at the corner. Which is faster, hot or cold? What does a pig put on dry skin? Why does bread take so long to digest? Usually, when someone asks did I ask you? they are not being genuine. You can always serve as a bad example. The batroom. I always tell new hires, Dont think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . 48. ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. That was an insect. To which one of the boys replies, Im surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!. A trip without kids. But hilarious jokes never go out of style. You would not use any of these if you werent: Well, these joke are silly, but still funny: Jokes about sex are eternal. There were two goldfish in a tank. Why couldn't the knife go back in the drawer? Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? After five years your job will still suck. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. What is the opposite of a croissant? I don't know how I feel about that. * No, you didn't. What's your point? Every once in a while, we come across somebody who just doesnt seem to care about anything no matter what we say. Low flying airplane noises! What did the little tree say to the big tree? Once you open it, you realize its half-empty. Youre probably dumb. You can try being the life of the party with one of these: Be careful joking with women. We suppose you belong to those daredevils. When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this.". Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? How do you eat a squirrel? 8. I'm a helicopter! What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? They are similar to the phrase "shut up"and may be considered rude to use. Because they taste funny. He worked it out with a pencil. On June 15th, 2011, Neogaf [5] user Dizzy-4U used the line as a humorous response in a thread. Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear brightuntil they open their mouths. No, but I wanted to save you the trouble of thinking for yourself. 137 of the Best Jokes for Kids. Totally shocked. Cookie Notice We've even broken things down by category so that you know which jokes will land best among your audience. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? 1. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? 100 Best Corny Jokes of All Time. the bear replies. He ate the pizza before it was cool. If they do, we've got more timeless jokes for you. Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. 45 lbs. Whos there? Here's a list of 55 . 4. 30. Three words to ruin a mans ego? 5. We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock-knock jokes, and even some moments of pure stand-up comedy. That way it will never come for me. If they ask, "Who asked?" But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. How does a squid go into battle? } "I'm a. She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. We have picked some adult jokes for you to use. The other says, "I'm a big metal fan.". Tap To Copy. They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet. There's no menuyou get what you deserve. Next time someone asks you, who asked, or did I ask use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? Why do geese fly south in the winter? Two peanuts were walking down the street. "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". Things they would quickly admit are wrong to say, or that they shouldn't have said. Who asked / nobody asked gained popularity in reaction images in . These classic What did.? Hes been going through some shit. Their comments didn't hurt me physically, but they did make me sad.Bullying is a common problem . These are some responses you might want to keep ready in the back of your mind. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Watch popular content from the following creators: Aimzy(@aimzygg), jordan(@jjsshenanigans), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), jamal(@jamallxoxo), camille ;)(@111camillee), Jafiki(@jafiki), (@user1118012706685), Bacon vs Emos on this acc(@savage.bacon68) . Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. 41. ? He just can't part with it. Why arent koalas actual bears? Privacy Policy. Hey! There is the attention you were looking for. Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. Hi! Even if you love these clever jokes, youll still get a kick out of these anti-jokes. The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. Are you an adult? They did unspeakable things to me. A chicken sees a salad. Thats the church I used to go to.. Explore the latest videos from . The actor is still close with some of her onscreen family. How do you make a tissue dance? Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #whendidiask, #whendidweask . They just pick things up as they go along. Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaners sole purpose. Between you and me, something smells. Its a win-win! Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. If you're here, who's running hell? He kept leaving little messages around the house. 9. We all wish that at the moment you could have some great response. Its important to remember that not everyone wants to engage in constructive dialogue, and sometimes the best course of action is to ignore the comment and move on. Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? Jokes for Kids 2022. What did one plate say to the other plate? 40. Because 7-8-9. READ THIS NEXT:80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? When did I ask? Learn more about us here. What do you call a zen master in charge of snacks? But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. An impasta. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. What do you call a fake noodle? Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. Manage Settings How is sex like a game of bridge? A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. Whats the difference between your wife and your job? How do you stop a bull from charging? After youve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 39. Dude, your dicks hanging out. Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. 4. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? My Dad had a firm grip on my shoulders. This one works because it both acknowledges that you werent asked and draws focus to the fact that you actually did contribute helpful information to the conversation. He's all right now. It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep thats got to be the ultimate rejection. Id never advise you to be rude, but I understand why some people are frustrated. A cancer-causing ingredient sparked the alarm, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). It loafs. Here are over a dozen irreverent history jokes to share with your favorite history teacher or students. 7 Up in cider. Originally Published: May 29, 2019 When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. Whats a foot long and slippery? Because their horns don't work! Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . Here are some of the best comebacks to shut them up: Who asked? is the age-old retort of the unhelpful and uninterested. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your faceonce you shove them down the stairs, that is. Please stay on the line until you hear the beep forvoicemail. Question: What is another name for female Viagra? Why0is it that everything youlove is either unhealthy, addictive, or has multiple restraining orders againstyou? What did the alien say to the flower bed? } else { Some might even make your eyes roll. Even thoughts can raise them. This response works best if the question was asked rudely. Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. By the bark. What do you call a boomerang that wont come back? Whos there? What did one hat say to the other? Sucka dick and let me in. 9. Original don't care + didn't ask. What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt? Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Continue with Recommended Cookies, It has happened to all of us. I have as much authority as the Pope. 7. Re-Morse code. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Read next: 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. The farmer had cold hands. See you next month. Approximately one GB. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person?